Last night in the midst of packing and finalizing my last orders before vacation, Luca woke up. Normally I’d bring him in bed to lay with my husband while I finished what I needed to do, but I decided to just sit with him for a while and let him fall back asleep on me. We don’t subscribe to cry-it-out in our house. If our kids are awake and want to be with us for a little bit, than that’s just fine.
As he sat on me, his long lanky legs falling off the side of mine, it really hit me what a whirlwind this last year has been. This week last year, I sent off my final web copy to my designer, scanned in a sketch of what I wanted each page to look like, and went on vacation with my little family of 5. The twins were only 5 months old, and I was still consumed with finding a balance between my full-time job, this business, and being a mom to my three little boys. Some days I get so caught up in the race, I forget how much I’ve accomplished. This last year I’ve been measuring my business against everyone else, and right there, while rocking Luca back to sleep, I decided to change how I measure my own success.
Being a mom to three active boys, working full-time away from my home, and kids, 12 hours a day. Coming home for dinner, baths and bedtime. Making a giant cup of coffee to stay awake the next 4 hours to finish up orders, write blog posts, respond to emails and find time to grow my business. Crashing in bed at 1 or 2, minutes before one twin wants to be in bed with us, too. Waking up at 5:30 to do it all again… sippy cups and bananas so I can shower, trading off with my husband on who is watching the kids downstairs so the other one can get dressed. Finding time to call the pediatrician, the vet, nursery school, health insurance (again, because they don’t understand that TWO babies were born on the SAME day), and buy a gift for this weekend’s birthday party. Balancing it all is no easy task. So many people say to me “I don’t know how you do it all”, and quite frankly, I don’t either. You just do what you have to do.
Like any other small business owner, I have a million ideas scribbled down in my planner. Some are new design ideas, others are collaborations I’m dreaming of… most are projects I haven’t found the time to tackle, because the idea of them is so overwhelming and I’m not sure where I’ll find the time. But last night while sitting in the twins’ bedroom, I started to tally up my successes in the last 11 months, and finally felt proud of how far this little dream has come. The people I’ve collaborated with, the orders I’ve completed, the projects on the horizon – I finally feel like I can celebrate a wonderful year. August will mark 1 year since my website and collection launched, and I’m proud to reach that milestone.
What I realized last night, too, is that Luca’s legs were hanging off mine in a way they never have before. It’s so cliché, but oh-so true – time moves more quickly when you’re a mom. This stage with my kids is so fleeting… I’m going to blink and Anthony will be in Kindergarten and the twins’ off to their first day of nursery school. Of all the jobs I have, being a mom to them is by far the biggest, and most challenging one of all, and in the end, the only one that really matters. In five, or ten, or twenty years, I’m not going to remember how many sales I had this year, but I will remember this time with my family. With vacation around the corner, I promised myself to be more present and savor the next two weeks with them. To stop looking ahead and wondering what’s next. To enjoy this season of my life, and to give myself a little more grace.
photos from last year, by Tandem Studios | photo in header by Sami Renee Photography